Posts tagged friends

I have had 3 hours sleep for the last 36 hours. Sadly I was not studying nor was I working on a plan to take over the world. Insomnia can somethings deliver heavy doses when you least need it. My plan was just to go straight to bed as soon as I got home, however for us online social media junkies, this hardly is ever the case. 

This evening the course of my social events seem to take on specific theme of having a purpose in life. The discussions that I had made me realized that discovering one’s purpose is more of a journey than anything else. Today in my African and Asian Theatre class, the concept of spirituality was brought up. This spiritual concept along with the realization of one’s true life purpose seems to go hand in hand.

I do many things that I love, whether it be posting blogs on tumblr, writing for giemagazine, performing on stage or working with my environmental volunteer group. I honestly believe that doing the things you love would guarantee that direction into discovering your life purpose. Do I believe that I have found my purpose? No I do not think so. I believe that I am on the pathway, but I feel as if I am not entirely there as yet. 

Today I also had the opportunity of interviewing a very young social worker who aspires to enter the medical field as he gets older. He has been qualified in the field  of psychology and is currently practicing. Imagine that within his life span, he wants to heal both the human mind and body. I find that to be totally inspiring. I could easily imagine that he does get immense satisfaction from the tremendous amount of social work he does for citizens of Trinidad and Tobago, however with his vision, he wants to do more than what he is doing already. 

I also bounced up my good friend Alexander and one of my past Trinity College friends Dale. We were speaking about our degrees and the direction that we were taking. While all three of our career paths were very different, we all reflected that similar theme of purpose and direction. It seems to be a concept that lingers on the University campus. Thinking about it now, it makes me wonder if this is some sort of mental condition of oppressed youths who just simply do not have a variety of employment options? At the end of the day, that’s like questioning destiny, We all have a some type of plan laid out for us, and it will happen whether we like it or not. 

Alexander these days has his hands very full. I always joke with him, since his resume actually resembles mine to some degree. We actually belong to two organizations and together we have brought  some brilliant ideas to assist in the development of both organizations independently. Alexander has it very tough having to work on weekends and also serves the student body as the guild publications chair. Despite these duties Alexander maintains his cheerful smile and his sometimes overtone oddness. Not to mention his florescent kicks that brightly lights the path he walks on, but literally and figuratively. 

Alex, like Dale was also expressing the sentiments of where life would eventually take us. Today I learnt that Alexander is also acting in the festival of plays. A festival held every year by the Department of Creative and Festival Arts at the University of the West Indies. His character has a bit of speech impediment, having  a strange vocal affinity to the letter “L”, hence my header “What’s your true life plurpose?” The character is comical beyond words.

While my colleagues and I try to determine at what time that true purpose would dawn on us, do you think we all \have achieved it? Do you think its something that we would eventually realize one day? Would it be something we ever find? What about you? Have you found that life purpose? Please let me know… share a bit.. I would love to hear it :D

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

P.S I have some uber fantastic news, but nothing has been made official as yet. As soon as it does. I would make sure to post up the full story :D 

Its very difficult to move away from stereotypes. I think its much easier for most people to judge someone and move on to the next. When you think about it retrospectively its really unfair to the person being victimized. Some just declare that that’s the way life is and its unfortunate that you have to fall within a bracket.

I am a master of stereotyping and I am sure there are many others are as well. Its really all about the convenience. Its much easier to decide someone’s attitude and scruples before even getting to know them. It makes it easier to get to the people who you like and flesh out the people who you know you would not appeal to you. Why waste months getting to know someone, when your ‘instincts’ tell you that they are not suited to your own personality? 

Most of the times we so called “masters of stereotyping” are very wrong and most people live above and beyond their own public perception. However, there are the random few who fuel a generic social stereotype and has no care about how the public eye perceives them. I personally do not care how I am perceived, even though it may hurt to hear it aloud. 

Let’s take for example a strong, buff young man. He is in his early 20’s goes to university and loves to parties on the weekend. Automatically that man in my books is a hoe! That is my stereotypical mind! Its very hard to sway me from such opinions. Even if there are crowds of people telling me that he is such a fine gentleman, studies his work and generally contributes to society. It still does not change my opinion that this man might very well be a hoe! And by hoe I mean, many girls, many heartbreaks, and always has the easy way out when it comes to life’s challenges. Yes I can be that unfair when I am ready.

However, at the end of the day. I consciously know that this is not a good habit  Everyone deserves the right to be known by someone else. Why would we superficially judge each other for the sake of convenience? Doesn’t that make us the shallow ones? In this respect I can assess myself as being a bit shallow when it comes to seeing people for the first time. The first impression always last and sometimes people really do fail me in the personality aspect of their life. The majority of times its hard to get a personality to really and truly appeal to me. 

What do you guys think about superficially judging the people around you? How often have you been correct? How often have you been wrong? Here’s a better question… what stereotype do you think you fall under? Leave me a message… let’s discuss :D

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel 

Imagine a steel rake that was placed inside your stomach that began scraping the inside because of the paranoia in your head. Added to this, imagine if someone came to support your paranoia, and therefore added another steel rake to make the scraping of your stomach be done more efficiently. 

I must admit though that the paranoia that I have this time around, comes with such substantiation that even myself  knows that such an ‘incident’ may one day occur. I feel obliged to prepare for it. In other words, I find myself day dreaming about my possible reactions if or when it does happen. 

Nothing in life is a guarantee. People can make promises and eventually they can be broken. I could openly admit that I do not feel cared for. Even though logically there are people who care for me a whole lot. The black and white thinking in my head prefers to tell me that no one really gives a damn.

Take it from me that having this type of thinking, you always feel as if you are threading on thin ice and there is little or nothing that you can do about it. You feel as if the worse events are about to happen in your life and you have no control over it. Its probably the most scary feeling for me in the world.

My paranoia surrounds two individuals that I know. Both of them are great friends of mines. However, there is a little man behind my head telling me beware. Many people have different agendas and different roles to play in life. The one thing that I have learnt is that trust is fickle and fragile. 

I think I discovered a new motto: Keep your friends close and your potential enemies even closer than your existing enemies. Not that I have foes by the hundreds, but enemies to me are people who can affect your train of thought. Your way of life and ultimately the way you function.

I feel as if this were to happen. I honestly would have a mental breakdown. Its something that I cannot see myself dealing with, as oppose to similar situations in the past. The thing is I never predicted such events before and as such I do not blame myself for being this paranoid now.

On the flip side of things. I have my hands very occupied. Today I would be with some kids from the Biche Community. We are carrying them to the National Science Centre for a day of fun. All expenses paid :) 

Despite my life always having the potential to take a turn for the worse, I am so glad that I can steer parts of it in the right direction :D

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

I know that I put a lot of my life on tumblr. It may be hard to believe, but despite sharing so much, I still manage to keep many tings personal. By nature, I am dramatic and quite expressive, but at the same time, I try my best to cap off my emotions about many things that happen in my life.

I learnt that keeping it all in, is not the healthiest thing to do. I release emotions usually when I am very intoxicated, and I have came to realize that these releases can take almost any form. Most times I just cry, other times I just update facebook and speak the truth about how I really feel about myself. That intoxicated truth is never the most prettiest thing to see. There days I find it difficult to keep things bottled up inside, even though by all logical standards, its the best thing to do. 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation, where you cannot say how you feel?……. Let’s just say that saying how you feel would have a gigantic ripple effect. Saying how you feel to one person can have a very harsh impact on many others. I look at it as being selfless. I do not want to grant myself possible happiness and see a lot of other people depressed or wounded…. Let’s just say that I am currently happy…..but I could be happier. 

I looked at my case very closely. Saying something, and not saying something is going to hurt me. There is no win win in the situation. Its like I am bound to be hurt and I have no chance of stopping it. This by far, has been stressing me out more than anything else. Its like a ticking time bomb.. I am just waiting to be hurt so badly.

I think I discovered single handily what unconditional love is. For some reason, I wish that I never discovered it. Its the best feeling, and in my case the worse feeling ever to have. I am not the one to dwell on it because I have too many tasks ahead of me to focus on. I would admit however, that these thoughts are pasted behind my head. The dreams are not really helping me out that much either.

I think back many years ago, when I could have probably took a step in a different direction. However back then, I thought of myself as less, and those around me as more. If only I could have looked into the future and see how things have now transpired, I would have NEVER made the stupid decisions I made in the past. I am accustomed fighting my own battles, and I can’t believe I fought one for someone who doesn’t give a shit about me today. 

I think all I am asking for is advice. Is there anyone out there who believes capping off some emotions is the right thing to do when the situation calls for it. If you think this is true. Tell me what is the best way that you put a cap on your emotions in cases like these. If I only take the chance to say how I feel, it would make Hiroshima look like a walk in the park.

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

You know that saying that says that friends won’t bring you back. Well I’d be lying if I say it wasn’t true. Friends do have a huge impact on your life, but its up to you to choose the friends that would truly develop who your are. Once you have decided which friends are the ones you want to keep for life. Take my advice and appreciate them as much as you can.

I always revert back to that best friend that I had over 5 years ago. A friendship where both partners learnt so much about each other, as well as the essence on how to maintain a friendship. Its the same friendship where I kept my mouth shut for 7 months of my life and did not even bother acknowledging him. To this day I could safely safe that it was one of the most self destructive things I could have ever done to myself. No one should ever lock out a friend that they truly appreciate on any circumstances. 

My point is though, that no matter what. When you have found the friends that compliment who you are. You need to show that appreciation that they deserve. Do not let your friendship be a one way street. Too often I hear of so many friendships where there is a serious imbalance that either of them cannot tolerate. What is the point I ask?

There is no doubt in my mind that the friends I have are the ones who compliment me the best. If its one thing that we all put to the forefront is supporting each other in ANYTHING that we do. It does not matter what it is, how small or how big our ventures are; the most important things is that we share our support unconditionally with each other. 

If by chance there is a very close friend that you have fallen out with, especially if its over simple and trivial matters, please do yourself a huge favour and reach out! The 7 months that I did not talk to my friend, honestly haunts me everyday. I could not believe that I could have been such a person. My message is that its never too late to show friends how much you appreciate them

As a budding scientist, I must end my blog post with proof. Last Wendesday was Roger’s 22nd Birthday. He could have chosen to celebrate it anywhere. If I was him, and I treated myself the way I did. I would not even want to see my face. Instead Roger did something that true friends always do…. he forgave me….

I don’t care what no one tells me….. friendships…..they last forever,

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel 

DAMION: It was a day of desperation. My friend Jeremy and I were in need of a vocalist for his now defunct alternative rock band Single Recruit. Damion had no idea that Jeremy and I only had one response to the audition thus far. As a matter of fact, I am sure that Damion was convinced that Jeremy and I had numerous people auditioning for the vocalist role, however this was not the case. Damion sang amazingly, however he messed up, because I believed he forgot the lyrics. Damion got the full brunt of my professional appearance, and while he probably has forgotten what it looks like, I can guarantee him that my colleagues and affiliates see it on a regular basis. Damion did indeed join the band, and we made a lot of unforgettable memories and all too often we had many disagreements. I call him my sweet and sour candy, whose taste changes without warning lol 

JEREMY: Way before Damion’s time… I met Jeremy the way how two east Indians should meet…. by a doubles stand. It was by complete accident, because initially Ambika was suppose to introduce us. However as fate would have it, I met him randomly in San Juan. He recognized me and called me. It was quite a short and brief interaction. I told Ambika that I could see Jeremy being one of my very good friends, and the rest was simply history. I spend more time with Jeremy than the majority of my family members. He is more of a little brother than a friend.

AMBIKA AND KRISTEN: Way before Jeremy’s time,  I met both of them while I repeated my final year at Secondary School. I repeated my form 5 year because I had to do emergency surgery on my eyes during my CXC examinations. It was very odd having to make new friends, but Kristen and Ambika made it quite easy to do so. They use to lime a lot with Balmatee and Shelly. Which was rather odd, but then I realized that they all had one time in common: Serious Harry Potter Freaks. I swear that they must at least talk about it every single day. They made up the very few that made it their duty to go to every single Harry Potter movie premiere in Trinidad and Tobago. They braved the lines, and pushed to get good seats at riduclous movie ticket prices. No offense to the Harry Potter fans out there, but my honest opinion back then was how crazy can you get!

STACY: I met Stacy when I had gone on camp with the Environmental Management Authority. Initially Stacy did not like me very much because I actually beat her school to 1st place at a competition. Their school had taken 2nd place. According to her, she was very surprised at my personality because she did not think that I would be that cool and down to earth. I told her that I liked people more than I liked beating people at competitions lol Today I think Stacy and I are the closest amongst all my friends. The primary reason I say this is because I think we could tell each other anything, without being judged. We mostly leave decisions in each other hands, and respect each others decisions once they have been made. We are only concerned about each others happiness.

JOSH: I hated josh so much when I first met him. Its hard for me to like someone, especially when they are trying to tief yuh man! ie Jeremy. I had gotten so jealous when Jeremy and Joshua started liming. They are both photographers and they are both friends. Therefore for everything professional and social, they were always together. Unlike people who beat around the bush about jealously, I told Jeremy up from that I was extremely jealous of the relationship. I told exactly what it had in my head and that Joshua trying to tief meh man. Today those feelings have been released, because I level horn Jeremy on many occasions…. LOL ok that’s not true. I just came to accept Joshua as a really cool friend as well. He did many things to prove himself as trustworthy, dependable and down to earth. 

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

I had it all planned out. A nice planned picture perfect day coming back from my vacation. I got all my outstanding giemagazine assignments out of the way, since I had to attend Lilliput’s 2012 theatrical production for media coverage. I do not know who fooled me into thinking that I could get from Santa Cruz to St. Ann’s in about an hour. I need to keep reminding myself that I am living in a developing country that is congested by constant traffic, with no prescribed peak hours.

I have another issue. Is there no one living in St Anns? I completely forgot that people would be heading home at this late hour after work, so surely I was expecting rel ketch ass for taxi to get to Queens Hall. To my surprise there was a string of taxi’s  lined up going to St Ann’s on a late Thursday evening. My issue then became getting the taxi to be filled quickly, as oppose to running down taxis to get to Queen’s Hall. In the end I paid for the trip, because when it comes to Theatre Arts, I spare no expense. I reached 5 minutes late, and I nearly died because of it. One must always have respect for the arts, and reaching late is clear example of utter disrespect. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the private media viewing of the performance. Lillliput Theatre is known as the flagship for Children’s Theatre in Trinidad and Tobago, and last night they lived up to that reputation. If you guys would like to see the show. It’s being held at Queens Hall for the next three days.

Friday May 18th, 2012 7:30pm

Saturday May 19th, 2012 5:30pm

Sunday May 20th, 2012 5:30pm

Children $85.00 Adults $95.00

The show is entitled “anansi and the world wide web” and features social and political commentary through the voice and stories of Anansi the spider. Make sure to look out for the young thespians Christopher, Kenya, Shermake and Asia who I had the pleasure of interviewing for giemagazine. I would post the story on tumblr once its published. These kids were inspiring :D

After the show one of my friends called me to go out. Frankly I was very excited because I have been dying just to lime with one of meh ‘padnas’. However I must always remind myself, that some people are just born set ups! What amazed me though is that I was ready to put everything out just to have a good time last night with anyone! My finances went straight down to plan Z, and everything else that I had to do, just got pushed aside, all just to lime and hang out with a friend who I look up too so much.

I realized that sometimes I have to pull myself back and take a look at the situation and appreciate what you have. Last night I got a private viewing of a leading theatrical company in Trinidad and Tobago. Hello Shahad… in case you did not realize you have a life! It is with this life you should make the best of it! I eventually came home and sent out emails till 2 am in the morning. Since I got up I wrote up the article and continued sending out emails for our eco carnival pre band launch, which is really beginning to take shape. Even though I take d lil set up in good stride, I rel doh like it. I fed up get brace by people when I was younger, I could do without that feeling of worthlessness these days, since so many things seem to be going my way.

I love all my friends deeply, and I understand that inconveniences can occur from time to time.  But jed less talk and more action. That’s d game I play!

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

I am not sure how many of us can attest to a blissful friendship. A friendship by it self describes deep emotions towards a particular individual that is characterized by trust.     Bliss describes extreme happiness and ecstasy. Combined together you get what I like to logically describe as a blissful friendship. The blissful friendship is characterized by unprecedented compatibility, loose comfort and trust similar to that of an apostle. It tests the ultimate extremities of a friendship, and has the potential to be fatal or long lasting.       

For those who are very social individuals, I am sure that it has always been an arduous task trying to decided on which friend is ultimately the best and boasts of compatibility. Statistically most mature individuals claim to not have best friends, but rather a group of close friends. In this blog post, I am indulging three primary factors that make up my personal concept of the blissful friendship, and it is without a doubt that compatibility plays a big part of my developing concept. With respect to compatibility you need to locate that friend who not only shares similarities but also many differences. From the life experience that I had thus far, I tend to have a closer affinity to those who are more different that I am, as oppose to those who are more similar. I rather get opposing views, than hearing my views played over in my head. With respect to how I characterize the blissful friendship; having differences is not only about sharing different views, but it is also about respecting them and having the capacity to pass limited or no judgement at all. Being human beings, it is very difficult to find this type of compatibility. 

Loose comfort comes with years of knowing someone. Not many people can say that can be comfortably naked in front of their best friends. It is NOT a mandatory feature of this concept, but rather a reference to what I speak about. Not many people are comfortable with themselves physically. A blissful friendship should never have any holds on how you appear in front of each other. There is one friend in particular who I have, who has disregard with his or her self appearance when I am around them. Likewise I have similar disregard when I am around him or her. It doesn’t really matter, because of the end of the day, when we are in the company of colleagues, other friends and professionals, we do a damn good job of presenting ourselves in the required aesthetic. Even though both of us know that a random check of our bedrooms would render it a pigsty.

If there was one word that I mention too often in this blog, it would be the word ‘trust’. For those of you who keep up to date, I have a multitude of issues with this 5 letter word. I am sure I am not alone. Ever since Eve bit the apple, trust for most is unappreciated and disregarded. However if you are looking for that friendship where happiness is constant, trust has to be constant as well, if its not there forget about it. You are in the normal friendship zone, and that euphoria that you are looking for would never be found.  Having someone that close to you where you can say anything and not worry about it being repeated is a happiness that is virtually indescribable. That comfort that resides in a friendship like that is hard to find, but great to revel in once discovered.

 Friendships like these can either last or be destroyed for eternity. Passion in a blissful friendship is dangerous, and can become harmful for either partner. When passion for this friendly bond is too strong on one side, a destructive imbalance occurs. Issues of paranoia and awkward possession comes to light, and makes it difficult to ask the other to step aside and make some room. I think its a social construct that one must take a few moments to assess. Understand where the friendships stands, and know where lines have been marked so that either one does not cross it. A conscious approach, can lead to everlasting friendship.

Helen Keller says that walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. This is so true, and having a blissful friendship where everything is mean to be everlasting, is something that I am sure everyone can appreciate. 

To this date I can only attest to having one blissful friendship. And it was the best one I ever had.(lllikkkke durrrh) Its kinda hard to find others…… but for those who know be.. I can surely say that I am onto another….. hopefully…. willingly….. and some howedly…. I hope I can experience this concept of friendship again. 

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

I may have mentioned this before in past blog posts, however I like to re visit this to remind myself of how lucky I am. When I was in primary school or in other words the elementary phases of my education, I had no friends. Not a single one. I was the most unsociable thing that existed in the school yard or playground. I was a very unhappy soul and I personally think that I knew what it meant to be emo before it came into such popular existence.

If you yourself attended primary school with me, it would have not have been difficult to spot who I was. My head would have been lowered facing the ground, never looking up while I walked. My shirt would always be well tucked in my short khaki pants, and my socks would be lifted at knee height. Of course it looked like the most nerdy thing ever, but for some reason, I recalled having my socks up that high made me feel comfortable than having then rolled down to my ankles.

I was not entirely lonely, I did talk to other kids, however I never felt like I truly belonged. I was not sure who my friends were, and for that matter I did not know what constituted a friend. I sucked at sports and being physical during free time was what elementary school was all about. Having no friends was reinforced by my peers and also my cousins, which did not really shed light on my already diminishing self esteem. I recalled that my aunt had tried helping me “make friends” by telling me to go and ask kids to be their buddy. It was stupid! I did not want to! However, being pressured into thinking that school life was about making friends i tried. There was this one kid for the life of me I cannot remember his name. I remember his face vividly, because to be honest the encounter was scaring. I was in standard 2 which meant I was about 8 or 9 years of age…. I honestly think his name was Nyron, but to be honest I really don’t have a clue! 

*Recess.. the bell rings… children scatter… Shahad could be seen running around pretending to play tag with others* Yeah I really was that pathehtic and at age 8 I knew how pathetic I was…. Could you imagine that?

Shahad: Hey I was wondering if you could be my buddy?

Nyron: What.. you mean like a body guard… yeah I always wanted one of those!

*Before Shahad could even speak.. Nyron runs off*

I honestly swear that if I knew what being a homosexual was back in the day. I would have declared myself as such right there and then. I really could not blame him at that point in time. I was the most weird looking person, that seem to prefer to be a loner than to be around people. I remember quite distinctly that my teeth was so under developed, I looked even more horrid when I smiled.

I did not lose all hope there was another person who was just like me. His name was Ravi, and he was even more socially inept than me. I was so horrible I remember picking on him, because others picked on me. I realized on my own what I was doing was wrong, and that together we were in the same socially inept bracket. He was greasy haired, skinny and I distinctly remember him belonging to the house Blue Jay. I was in Scarlet Ibis. I still see Ravi around all the time, and we don’t really talk or even acknowledge each other. We both know of the stresses we went through. Acknowledging each other, would just remind us of the struggles we once had. We honestly do know each other’s elementary pains. Ravi now walks around with a swag that I cannot honestly compare to. 

I remember distinctly how long 10 minutes for recess seemed and how every time there was recess, I had a routine that I would follow. I would go to the bathroom, go by Miss Lystra, but a 75c pack of chesse balls, eat it, and by the time I was done, recess was over. It was very monotonous, but because my primary school days was the same thing over and over. I remember them vividly. Closing my eyes, I could see the gravel on the ground, the red colour of the croton plants on the fence, the clarity of the waters from the pipes and even the small red bean tree that I planted in 2nd year with my teacher Miss Celistine. My time in primary school was living a childhood horror, more so because my red bean tree never reached maturity. It died by Day 3 :(

There were four specific girls in primary school and even though they were prolific throughout their years at the school. In standard one Miss Gonzalez made them stood out. Their names were Katryse Fernandez, Victoria Alexander, Neilah Lewis and another girl bu the name of Antonia. They were extremely brilliant, and even at such a small age, I aspired to be half of what they were. Miss Gonzalez had them separate from the class on different benches for the sole reason that they were brighter than the entire class put together. From a small age, I knew what having a role model meant. I still converse with Victoria and Katryse from time to time,. but with distance, we have all grown truly apart… not hat we were together to begin with.

I am very sure that if many of my primary school friends saw this post. They would attest to they being my friend back in the day. Be honest with yourselves, I was just a colleague. No one ever truly appreciated me for who I was or what I was about. The most sad thing about this story was that this mentality went into the beginning part of secondary school, or middle school education. I did not trust anyone. People called me their friend, but I trusted very few. It was from that point I always had issues with trust, and I am always utterly devastated when someone breaks it. I thought the world of having friends was so surreal because it never happened before. There was only one girl in particular who had gotten me and that was Kezia Johnson. She and I were very close and she knew all about the stresses I had with my life thus far. We are still friends, however I cannot recall speaking to her in the last 2 years or so. With time we have grown apart. 

I am convinced that because of the life I had in primary school, I am able to choose my friends wisely. My friendship is one the most valued things that I can offer someone. I do not take it lightly, because as a child I really had no interest in being friends with anyone. Now that I have friendships that I enjoy so much. I do all that I can do to keep it together, and I try to remind my friends that I would do anything for them. I invest a lot of time into the friendships I have now, because to be honest I am absolutely afraid that I am gonna lose them all. I know vividly in my mind what is like to not have friends. For 7 years of my primary school life, I could remember images of bullying, teasing and taunting. It has never left me and I do not think it ever would. Its scary to think that I can recall images from 1st year where consciousness of not having a friend began.

People could tell me different by I knew what I went through. I know a life without friends, and I intend on not knowing that life ever again!

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

What constitutes the love affair of a bromance? According to the very useful urbandictionary.com, it describes the complicated love and affection shared between two heterosexual males. Constitutionally, the bromance reflects, a higher degree of trust, close male bonding and the absolute absence of sexual interactions. It is a good question to ask however, where does the boundary exist for the male appreciated bromance?

The heterosexual male sexually involves himself with women (like duhhh). Most may think that the trustworthy bond between a man and a woman, is all that a man may desires. This is not true. Male bonding is necessary for the straight male; it is mandatory that male to male non physical contact be enjoyed on moderate occasions. There are just some things that men cannot say to their women, as I am sure there are some things that women cannot say to their men. This is where the bromance comes in, where male to male vocal interaction becomes a relief to the most unsaid things in a man’s life. Developing trust between two males, is harder to break than a steel rod hanging between two dense columns of concrete. 

There are many different types of bromances and each illustrates a different type of male bonding. Many prefer the outdoors or sports since it consists of higher levels of testosterone and seemingly the absence of estrogen. However with females practically taking over the world, and becoming involved in everything, its not that difficult to mistakenly buy tickets to the see the national female football team. Some may prefer a trip to the bar and a game of pool, where you would get the raucous laughter and untimely jokes. There are some bromances where words are not even uttered. The company of male silence is enjoyed and the absence of feminine speech is celebrated.

There is absolutely no sexual contact in a bromance. For those of you who believe  that you are in a bromance and you are having sexual contact with your partner, please refer to my previous blog post on LGBT rights. According to the definition, there is no touching, no feeling, and no rubbing. There are certain standards to a bromance, hugging is allowed, telling each other I love you may even be acceptable, but there is a big HELL to the NO, on physical touching. If there is touching we might as well drop the ‘bro’ and add the ‘ro’, if you get what I am saying. 

The bromance is one of the best things a male can experience in his life, however one must understand the limits. If you have a girlfriend, please do not ignore her completely. Yes we may be strongly tempted to step out with our bro on many occasions, however we must recall the superficial importance of Valentines Day and other ridiculous commemorations that our spouses deem highly important.  In the mean time, enjoy the bromance in the limits that it has been given, and make the total best of it!

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

P.S Nigahiga totally gets me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJVt8kUAm9Q

We could never be on everyone’s good side. Its an impossibility. There are almost 7 billion people in the world and to find that single person with perfected compatibility is a challenge or maybe even a fantasy. There are differences among all of us, and us such we have preferences in all relationships of life.

Friendships is always my favourite topic of interest. It probably is because I have a lot of them. Its a blatant lie in my opinion to say that we do not have best friends. A friend that has had your back for 10 years cannot compare to a rich friend who takes you everywhere for only a month. In such a comparison, its even logical to have a preference. 

There are differences between a random select of two individuals. These differences may sometimes arise in conflict. If the conflict is overbearing for one, you end up being a preference. Not that the particular person dislikes you, its just that your company is less preferred than someone else’s. For me, I do not see it as a bad thing. My mentality is, if you do not prefer my company….. screw you! For others they revel in their own pity and beg for you to prefer them over other people.

Recently, I was sitting on a bench with a very good friend of mine at the University of the West Indies. It was such a nice cool evening. The breeze was blowing, the samman trees on the LRC Greens were looking a bit more majestic than usual, and the busy bodies of UWI just kept passing us by with strong intentions in their walk. We both were sipping guava snowcones and sharing those deep intimate thoughts that we are accustomed to sharing. 

Soon enough, our company was disrupted by a friend who I had known for quite some time. Lets say about 5 years. I did some theatre classes with him a long time ago, and to be honest he is very good at what he does. I did not mind him sitting with us for the while, however when he insisted upon debating whether Life Sciences was more important than Social Sciences, was exactly the point where I PREFERRED that he was not here. To be honest, he disrupted our chi. Our balance, our UWI evening structure. Its obvious that Life Sciences is far more superior that your faculty, so seriously, what is the argument?  Do you even know what a 6 credit course looks like? Ugghhh…. We both were not enjoying the conversation…. we were thankful that he eventually left. However, it must be noted that I like his company, but more so in the theatrical sense, not in the social sense. Is that such a wrong thing? 

When it comes to loving relationships, the good side and the bad side always becomes a bit more technical. Everyone knows how their significant other responds to certain situations. I of course prefer to have mines on the good side, but no matter how hard I try, It seems that the bad side has a tendency to prevail every once in a while. I am not saying that we argue excessively, because to be honest we don’t. In comparison to other relationships that I know about, we do not argue every night after we have a good time, nor do we argue about the pettyness of liming with friends a bit too often than we should. In a frank statement of the matter, we are not married. I may have a preference to what she wants to do, but it does not mean that she cannot do it. She is her own woman, and I am my own man. We are not bounded legally, but we do have our mutual agreements. At the end of the day we have our preferences.

Everyone has their preferences, you may be on the bad side of it or on the good side. I honestly think it is how your perceive it. You can never be on everyone’s good side, and if you are on their bad one, its up to you how you want to deal with it. I for one couldn’t care less what side I am on, as long I am on my own good side, I have nothing to worry about. I would hate to be on my own bad side, that would be so horrible. In others words I do not live to be on people’s good side, except my own. 

Life is short, and people need to understand that the only person who you should be satisfying is yourself. The whole idea of being on the good side of someone is so overrated. Like i said there are a almost 7 billion people in the worlds….Its hard to imagine your overall aim in life is to get 7 billion people on your good side. Its highly improbable, so why even try….. Live life for you!

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel 

If anyone keeps up with my blogs on a regular basis, you would know that my exploration of friendships is very extensive. I question everything, from a simple gesture to a few words spoken. Nothing seems to go pass me when it comes to my friendships. I have openly admitted to overreacting and at times guiding my friends too much to their own dislike. I would also admit that I use to be a tad bit controlling back in the day, but I am being honest when I say that I have let go of the steering wheel for quite some time now. 

Tonight I pose the question, why is the compatible friend so elusive? It has come to a point in my life where I was not able to preserve the purity of any of my existing friendships. For me, the sanctification of a pure friendship is one that goes without serious argument. That being said, I have picked huge bones with all my friends, to the point where anger. temper and pride blinded me to the point where I was not on speaking terms with them. This may have spanned a day, a week or in some severe cases months.

How did I remain good friends with all of these individuals? Well I can’t really answer that straight off the bat. I would like to think that the friends I have are gems, because if I had a friend the way I treated some of mine, I honestly would not want to have anything to do with them. Yes I am a horrible person, and so goes the famous quote: “Do onto others, as you would like them to do on to you”. I must say that this quote is beginning to grow on me more than I expected this year.

There have only been two friends, in the recent years of my life that I have considered ultimately compatible. Most unfortunately I kinda messed up things with them both. Our friendship is still intact, and its way better than most crippled friendships, however like the greedy person I am, I always want more. Despite that craving of wanting more, I try my best for it not to get in my way. I try to understand that my time is over, and its time for other people to enjoy that friendship. Even though at times it hurts seeing it.

I know to myself that I have gone through thick and thin with these two individuals, and sometimes I wonder, if they do remember. Its not my duty to tell them, but sometimes I wonder if it crosses their mind. I am in no way trying to be reproachful, I just wonder if they do. 

Of the two, I can safely say that one appreciates me more than the other, so I do not feel as left out. I both had great times with them, and I hope that even greater times are written in our future. I honestly cannot describe them as the ultimate compatible friend, because we misunderstood each other on such a level, and feel as if its irreparable.

I know the majority might be saying that I am hard on myself, and that things are not what they seem. However with the levels of paranoid running in my blood, the real world can sometimes be a fantasy with a series of anxiety attacks that I cannot seem to control.

Its hard to build new friendships, and to find the one that is most compatible is not a difficult job, it isn’t as elusive as you might think it is. Its just that in my case, I just had to go and mess it up. Even though the vase tipped over the table and shattered on the floor into several pieces, I have no problem sitting down with glue and fixing the vase, as closely as it was before……

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel 

I think many people misunderstand me. I think that they would never get who I truly am. I would admit that when I am misunderstood, dynamically I would explode. It does not matter who you are or where you are from, I would react quite similarly when it comes to respecting each other.

When I have stood side by side with someone for years and endured many pains that they had, you would think that there would be an unbreakable bond between us. I wonder if this is the case today. I never pass severe judgement on friends. If they make mistakes, I do not call them names, but rather I give them multiple perspectives to help them understand their position, and try and help them see the many consequences of their actions.

The most I do give me my friends is a load of advice. I could honestly say to myself that I have NEVER told anyone how to live their life. I have never said to my friends who made mistakes to STOP… NO THAT’S WRONG… DO THIS INSTEAD, IT’S THE BETTER CHOICE. Even if I have sad things like these before…. I do NOT threaten them. People have their lives, and they deserve to live it, with or without my advice.

When individuals see my advice as some form of dictation for their lives, I personally get offended, because I never said you had to take it, nor did I ever threaten you that it was the better choice. At the end of the day, I have no consequences to suffer, after all you openly admitted that there were some consequences to your problem.

You need to understand that there are some people who truly love you. When they see that someone is clearly taking advantage of you, and you allow them to do such, it hurts the person more than you can ever know. 

With life comes a multitude of experience, and one of the things that I have learnt, in order to cope with not feeling so hurt all the time, especially when friends think that you are dictating their lives, is to walk away. Do onto others, as you would like them to do on to you. For me personally I do not want a dictator of my life anywhere around me. 

Naturally, many may think that I would “tote” or even “grieve”…. however I have no time to waste. Life is filled of many friends and many people. I am a budding sociopath, and just like the growth of a fruit on a citrus tree, as a strong wind blows, I could drop you just like that!

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel

There are times when I beat around the bush and refuse to get straight to the point, however in order to express what has been bugging me lately about life, I would divulge the crux of this blog post in the proceeding line. “You can’t convince a monkey that honey is sweeter than a banana”

What I have to realize is that a lot of us do settle. We settle for what we know we can have, and sometimes we are satisfied with it to the point where we think life cannot get better. I completely understand that some people are quite happy, and despite blatantly seeing greener pastures, they prefer to play it safe and live with the guarantee of their current happiness. I would not explode over the fact that such may be the preference for some individuals. For me personally however I try my best to recognize the points in life where things can be much sweeter than it already is. 

I would admit though it can be challenging to try and let one person see that the banana is nothing as compared to the honey. It can get frustrating and no matter how bad  I want to, I made a very strong decision of mine to try and not explode. I literally want to shout to the top of my voice:

 ”There are extensive sugars in the honey and if consumed over just a period of 24 hours your pancreas would go into an unprecedented shock, which you will truly enjoy.”

However, I have disallowed myself to say anything along those lines.

Preference by my fellow peers have shocked me over the years, and admittedly their decisions have hurt me a great deal. I would not express such strong sentiments of jealously, but I would admit to it if I had to to. Its a very bad thing that my emotions mechanically grind when a friend chooses to head for the banana rather than the honey, but I have come accustomed to just biting my teeth hard and clenching my fists to ease pain that I wish not to describe. 

The more I think about this developing social pet peeve, the more it drives me insane. Logically thinking, it’s okay for a friend to like the banana. Nothing is wrong with it. There is still enough sugars in it. The problem is though, that I am not contented with my friend’s intake of sugar. Forgive me if I think that your sugar intake should be vast and enormous because I want sweet things for you. Is that such a crime?

Its no secret that I have a raging passion for close friends. I have gotten in trouble for it, but who cares. I love them to death. At the same time I have to come to an understanding that everyone has the freedom of choice. I am not a slave master, and they are not my slaves.  I am their friend and they are my friends as well.

Life presents its conundrums and despite having the undying urge to replace the metaphor of a banana with fresh horse shit… I can’t! Because they. as my friends, have a passion for horse shit, and I must respect their passion for horse shit. Even if I have to lie and tell them “Oh yes, horse shit is the best option you could have gone with”…… I would…. To me some friends need the support when they do shitty things with their lives. The important thing is that you have to stand by them, and lend every single ounce of support in your body for them. That’s what the best of friends do.

Anyways, that is all the time I have for this blog and I know I haven’t been blogging often, however I would try my best to resume a normal pace of at least once or twice a week. For now excuse me, I am going into the kitchen to take a huge table spoon and dip it into the jar of honey that is nestled safely in the depths of my cupboard..

Always looking at life,

Shahad the Sentinel